Thursday, June 28, 2012

On the Life of an Army Wife

It's hard to start writing a new blog post when you don't post regularly...there's just too much to write about!  But here goes...

I guess first and foremost it's time to share some pretty big news.  We're expecting again!  I'm close to 12 weeks and feeling pretty good.  The due date is January 14th.  It was so exciting, but really scary when we found out...but I've been gaining confidence every day about the health and growth of the baby.  Worrying about your pregnancy is completely normal, but a pregnancy after a miscarriage? It's been hard not to drive myself crazy!  But I've been praying a lot and really appreciate the prayers that have been said on my behalf.  We got an ultrasound done at 8 weeks and everything looked really good, which reassured me a lot.  The baby was a good size and had a strong heartbeat.  Here's the picture we got:

Now, having another baby is *super* exciting!  But having a baby while the hubby is deployed?  Whoa scary.  Of course we anticipated that this would happen (although no dates have been carved into stone yet)...we have a pretty good idea of the general time to expect his unit to deploy.  However, the thought of having a baby alone, and maybe more importantly, taking care of a newborn (and 16 month old) those first couple of months, started keeping me up at night.  I started trying to formulate a plan:  Hmm...I could go home to Georgia to have the baby and stay there for the first few months, then come back to El Paso.  Not possible- the maximum time you can leave your post housing is 30 days.  Ok, I could have my parents come out and stay with me for a week like they did when Cam was born.  Not a bad idea, but what about when they leave?  Can I handle that?  Now the desperation kicks in...maybe both my parents can quit their jobs and move to El Paso with me!  Yes!  Umm...NO, crazy person!  Then it hit me...why don't I just move back home for the whole deployment?!  I talked to my family over Skype and my Grandma actually started applauding when she heard I would be coming home! :}  So we all got really excited and started planning my trip.  Yes, it'll be difficult (we'll have to give up the house, put our stuff into storage, transfer insurance, etc.), but I know it will be worth it.  I've heard to not go home during a deployment because no one understands what you are going through besides other wives...but my family is SO supportive and understanding that I'm sure I won't have any issues with that. 

However, I have been having some anxiety about how the "Army Wife" will feel about it (and please don't think I mean anyone in particular - I have awesome, non-judgemental Army wife friends who I am sure will support my decision...I just mean the Army Wife "ideal" - what you think of when you think of an Army Wife).  I'm positive that this is a completely irrational thought, but I just feel like Army wives are supposed to be strong, independent and just deal with their husbands being gone, even if that means having a child and/or taking care of multiple children alone (I know several women who have done and will do this in the near future that I admire SO much).  Being and Army wife has made me so much more independent than I thought was possible, and I fully believe that I could do this by myself if I had to, but I can't help but feel like I'm taking the easy way out and that I'm being weak. But I guess the desire to be strong and independent is slightly overshadowed by my excitement at the thought of my family being able to be with my kids for more than a week at at time...and I KNOW that that is what I signed up for when I married a soldier, and I accept that and love him and this lifestyle dearly...but given the opportunity to be with family instead of 2,000 miles away while your husband is gone for a year, would you not take it?  I'd be crazy not to...but that's just, well, the way I see it :}